


Hold Me Close.

by leithvoid



Category: Rocketman (2019), Rocketman (2019) RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, idk its cute but T struggles with his feelings okay, lots of physical affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 12:07:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19356733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leithvoid/pseuds/leithvoid
Summary: The day of the Cannes press conference, Taron isn't coping well emotionally.





	Hold Me Close.

**Author's Note:**

> This took 4 fucking days, I think it's killed me.

Warm light came in through the certrains of the hotel room, a peaceful silence lay over the two sleeping males. Sheets creased around their bodies and clothes on the floor in a heap, it was what a typical drunken room would look like. The chirping of birds outside the windows were not enough to wake the sleeping men. The silence of the room was broken by both of the alarms on the men’s phone going off. Taron groaned at the loud noises, rolling over towards his bedside table to grab his phone, tapping at the screen so it would stop screaming at him. Richard’s phone soon after when quiet. 

 

Taron sighed rubbing his face, he opened his eyes and took in the state of the room from where he was lying. It wasn’t the worst he’d ever seen, but it sure could have been better. Taron lay there waiting for richard to reach out to him, most mornings they wouldn’t wake up touching and it was always Richard who first reached over to Taron. 

 

And Richard did just that, slipping his warm arm around Taron’s bare torso and pulling him into the middle of the bed. Taron smiled as he finally felt Richard close to him again. He felt an instant sense of calm energy run over him. 

 

Richard’s breath was light on Taron’s neck, it gave him goosebumps. Taron intertwined his fingers with Richard’s, whose hand was relaxed in his. Taron felt a sense of gratitude for the position he found himself in this morning. Of course, Taron was always grateful for everything in his life. But he’d never been this happy, this in love, this  _ whole _ . He’d never felt whole with any of his past partners, but Richard made him feel that. It was a wonderful feeling, something Taron had always wanted to find. He was lucky it was Richard.

 

Richard nuzzled his face into the back of Taron’s neck, he’d not said anything this morning which wasn’t odd for Richard. He was a very quiet person in the mornings. It was Taron who usually talked, thought this morning he wanted to just lay with Richard in the silence of France. It was surreal to think that this was his life and he was getting to share it with Richard. But the silence didn’t last too long because Richard was first to talk.

 

‘You feeling okay bub?’ Richard’s voice deep, yet soft and close, it was curious. Taron turned in his arm to face him, looking up into his ocean blue eyes. He couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful that Richard’s eyes, he truly could get lost in them forever if time would allow him too.

 

'A little tired, but happy,’ Taron smiled, placing a soft kiss on Richard’s lips. Richard pulled Taron a little closer, tucking his arm around Taron’s back. The sheet was constricting them slightly, Richard tried to deepen the kiss, but Taron pulled back. Richard frowned, Taron was usually always up for a little fun.

 

‘We need to get ready.’ Taron said, They needed to be at the press conference for Rocketman in an hour and a half. Richard smiled and kissed Taron’s forehead and agreed with him, hesitantly. 

 

‘I’ll shower first,’ he told Taron, who was still mesmerised by Richard’s existence ‘unless you want to join me to cut down time?’ he chuckled. Taron’s smile grew wider the more the Scottsman spoke, Richard raised his eyebrows at Taron. 

 

‘Nah, I’m gunna get us breakfast while you shower. I’m sure they will have food down there, but I want you to eat a proper meal before we go.’ Taron sat up, back against the white headboard. Richard slipped out of the bed, not surprisingly only in boxers, and made his way over to the bathroom.

 

Taron felt a little lost without Richard when he left, but he dealt with it just fine knowing Richard would be back with him soon enough.

 

‘You’re too sweet, yknow T,’ Richard said winking at Taron before closing the door. 

 

***

 

Richard and Taron where picked up from the hotel and taken down to the green room where they would wait for the press conference to start. He held Richard’s hand all the way from the hotel to before they got out of the car at the conference hall. Richard quickly kissed Taron’s hand before the door of the car was opened and the two climbed out and where ushered into the room. The room was pretty crowded and warm. 

 

On the journey over from the hotel Taron felt progressively like he was unable to focus. It was mid conversation with someone when he realised he needed a timeout. Him and Richard had split up when they arrived so he didn’t have anyone to fall back on in the conversation. He didn’t really know the person and he felt bad for cutting it short but he needed to sit down.

 

He looked around for an empty seat somewhere in the corner of the loud room. He felt short of breath and tense in his chest. He found a spot he could go, with the hopes of not being interrupted by anyone. He needed a moment to breath, to calm down and collect himself. He walked over to the small two-seater sofa and sat. He curled in on himself, supporting his head with shaky limbs. Taron felt uncomfortable and ill. 

 

He tried to drown out all the noise of the room; he focused on himself, his heart beat, his mind, his body. He didn’t know why he was feeling like this, when he was fine this morning. He tried to attend to count his breathing, attempting to make it easier but it wasn’t really helping him. He opened his eyes momentarily and saw little black spots in his sight, he started to become a little more worried with his state. Was he going to be able to make it through the conference? 

 

‘T, you okay?’ Richard voice came from in front of Taron. Taron looked up from the floor to Richard who was standing close to the sofa that Taron was on. Richard looked worried once he’d seen how pale Taron looked. He sat next to him wrapping his arm around the back of the sofa, Taron leaned back into it just to feel Richard’s touch. Taron didn’t really care about everyone who could see him right now. He just needed Richard. Taron tried to take some deep breaths through his mouth, his chest still feeling tight.

 

‘Hm, yeah, I guess,’ Taron replied. He could feel every part of his being wanting to lay down for a few more hours. He rubbed his eyes, he should have stopped himself last night.

 

Richard’s hand slid around Taron’s shoulder and pulled the younger male into his side. His arm now hanging over Taron’s arm, holding him. ‘It’s okay I’ve got you.’ Richard whispered to Taron. Taron just closed his eyes and rested his head on Richard shoulder. 

 

Richard kissed Taron’s head a couple of times, trying to comfort him. The feeling of having Richard next to him, touching him, caring about him made him feel like he could focus a little more. All he wanted to do was curl up and let Richard hold him forever. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to go out there, in front of all those people. 

 

‘Dex, could you grab us a couple bottles of water?’ Richard asked Dex over his shoulder who had been walking past. Dex did a quick look of the situation and noticed how Taron was sitting, leaned into Richard. He knew Taron must've not been feeling well,  _ he did drink a lot last night _ .

 

‘Course mate.’ Dex replied with a smile on his face. Richard directed his attention to rubbing small circles into Taron’s arm with his thumb, trying to ground him and let him know he wasn’t alone right now. Shortly Dex returned with the waters, Richard nodded in thanks and Dex smiled leaving them be.

 

Richard grabbed one of the bottles with his spare hand and opened it, using his legs to hold the bottle still. ‘Here, T drink some water.’ Richard offered him. Richard wasn’t really sure what was wrong, because he’d not asked but he knew Taron wasn’t feeling good. Richard also knew Taron wouldn’t admit to feeling unwell on a day like this, with something so important to do. Taron opened his eyes and took the bottle with a slightly shaky hand. 

 

He didn’t want to break the contact he had with Richard but he needed to make sure he didn’t spill water on himself, he didn’t have another t-shirt on him to change into. He took a couple small sips of cool water and sighed, his chest felt heavy. 'I feel terrible Rich.' Taron finally said. It wasn't easy for him to say stuff like that because he wanted to be in the best shape on press junkets like this. He really regretted drinking the night before.

 

'We've got an hour left, and then we can head back to the room and you can sleep. How does that sound?' Richard explained, rubbing Taron's shoulder. Taron nodded slowly, he liked the sound of sleeping, especially with Richard next to him.

 

'Not like I have much choice.’ Taron grunted, rubbing his head. ‘Can't be letting people down. Not here,' Taron patted Richard's knee a couple times and put on a forced smile. It made Richard frown, but he understood. Taron was in a much different position than Richard. He had to hold up the exception for not only the movie and himself but also Elton, that was a very big expectation to uphold no matter what. Taron was also probably feeling anxious and his anxieties usually expressed themselves in ugly ways.

 

'I'll be right next to you, I won't leave your side,' Richard looked at Taron, showing that he wasn’t joking. Even though Taron’s anxieties appeared in not so nice ways, that didn’t stop Richard from seeing through them. He knew Taron was nervous and feeling unwell didn’t make that better.

 

‘Time to go everyone!’ Someone called from the front of the room, near the doors they were going to enter the conference at. Taron and Richard met Dexter and Bryce there in a few seconds of the announcement. ‘Taron, Dexter you two will go out first, then Richard and Bryce.’ Taron looked over his shoulder quickly at Richard, alarmed that he was going to be alone for a few minutes. His heart started to race again. 

 

Taron wouldn't say he is very depending on physical affection, as in he didn’t need it every minute of every day. But when he was feeling this insecure, this unwell and nervous that’s all he needed. He need Richard. Touching people had always made Taron feel better, more confident thats just how he was. And that feeling increased when he didn’t feel well.

 

The lady handed out the ear pieces for translations of questions, Richard just gave Taron’s side a couple comforting rubs ‘It’s only going to be for a minute or two, you’ll be okay.’ Richard said quietly to him. Taron tried to keep himself together, trying to control his breathing, listening to his heart and body.

 

‘Can I grab a coffee real quick?’ He asked someone who looked vaguely important. They nodded and went to get him one, they returned just before Taron went out.

 

‘Alright mate?’ Dex asked, Taron nodded and smiled. 

 

‘Yeah, bit tired, yknow.’ Dex chuckled at Taron’s reply. Of course Dexter new Taron quite well, but neither of them knew this was the place to talk about how he was feeling. Taron just needed to get through this conference and then get back to the hotel.

 

‘Okay, out you go guys.’ As soon as Taron moved forward to walk out, Richard dropped his hand from his side and he felt everything starting to pick up motion again. It felt like someone was squeezing his heart and pulling it to the ground.

 

The conference was a struggle to get through, Richard sat slightly facing Taron for almost all of it, just watching him. It was hard for Richard to see Taron really trying to get through the questions and just talk. He was stuttering, he was out of breath and he even let it slightly go out of control not even ten minutes in when he almost cried. 

A couple times Taron placed his arm on the back of Richard’s chair, which Richard leaned back into. Richard wanted to take Taron away from the lights, the people and the attention and wrap him in safe little bubble where he would be able to just relax and express what he was feeling without being judged.

 

As soon as they had left the table and went back into the green room, Taron having left first with Dexter and then Richard and Bryce following, Taron was overcome with a feeling he wasn’t sure he could control. His heart began to race and his hands started to shake. Not even a minute after this feeling starts to take over him Richard was around him, arms protecting him and body close.

 

Taron inhaled Richard’s smell, he wrapped his arms around Richard’s torso. ‘You did so well,’ Richard whispered to Taron. Taron’s knees felt like they were going to buckle. The world was spinning around him, Ricchard holding him was keeping him together right now. He shivered in Richard’s arms. ‘I’m going to pull away, and we’re going to walk to the car, okay?.’ Richard told Taron, hoping that it was going to help him with how much he was going to be required of.

 

Taron nodded ‘O-okay.’ Richard pulls away from him but keeps an arm around Taron’s shoulders, Taron does the same with his arm around Richard’s waist. The two of them walked from the venue and down some steps and into a car that was waiting for them. 

 

On the trip back to the hotel all Taron did was sit close to Richard and held his hand, the same as on the way to the conference. Even though Taron still felt extremely overwhelmed he was slightly more relaxed in how he sat now, next to Richard. His throat felt tight and his nose was prickling, he was trying to hold in the tears the best he could, he didn’t want to be photographed crying  _ again _ .

 

***

 

Richard slipped their keycard into the door and it clicked open, the room’s cool air rushed out of the door into the warm hallway. Richard held the door open with one arm and helped Taron into the room with his other. Once the door clicked closed behind him, Taron was wrapped around him and sobbing. Richard’s heart melted at the sound of Taron breaking down. He enveloped his arms around his boyfriend and held him.

 

‘It’s okay T, let it out,’ Richared said, rubbing Taron’s back to try comfort him. Taron’s body shook in Richard’s grasp. It felt like every single nerve in his body was bare to the world, it felt like he couldn’t get himself to calm down. Nothing was helping, it was like his body was shutting down. ‘I, Rich, I’m...’ Taron couldn’t even get out full words, he was so overwhelmed. 

 

‘How about we get you into a shower, hm?’ Richard suggested, Taron’s grip tightening around him slightly like he didn’t want to be apart from him. It squeezed at Richard’s heart ‘I’ll come with you, it’s okay T. I’m not going anywhere.’ Richard’s soft voice floated around Taron.

 

Richard slowly pulled back from Taron, Taron’s face was red and tears stained his checks. Taron wiped his face with his arm ‘I,I look g-gross.’ He tired. Richard shushed him, telling him there was no such thing. They went to the bathroom, Richard closing the door behind them. Taron needed help to get his clothes off, his head was spinning. He was shaking, he was sweating. He didn’t know what was going on.

 

Richard turned on the shower and Taron got in, he leaned against the wall while Richard undressed. Richard could hear Taron trying to calm his breathing, Taron was counting, inhaling through the nose out through the mouth. Though he broke out into small sobs as he did, it was trying.

 

Richard stepped into the shower and closed the door, his arms slipped over Taron’s body easily due to the water. One arm over his shoulder and another around his waist, Richad held him. Taron’s whole body started to relax ‘I’m here.’ Richard said. He planted kisses on Taron’s head, Taron’s head was nuzzled into the crook of Richard’s neck and shoulder.

 

Water ran down their bodies, as Taron relaxed he was able to breathe again. It took some time for him to collect himself, but being in the shower, Richard so close to him. Protecting him. It really helped him. Once Taron’s breathing returned to normal and he stopped shaking Richard loosened his arms around him. Letting Taron lean his head back on the wall of the shower he took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling evenly and smiled at Richard. ‘Never let me go,’ Taron whispered. Richard hummed, smile on his lips.

 

‘There is my boy,’ Richard leaned in and kissed Taron lightly on the forehead.

 

‘Thank you.’.


End file.
